mistaking for survival

my brain-it runs circles
myeyes twitch-my face wincing
my mind-it can't focus
it just keeps reminiscing

it reminds me of your smell
slowly fading-slightly taunting
it plays our song again and again
it's soothing and peacfully taunting

it's so bad now; i can no longer draw free-hand
it's just my memories i keep tracing
over and over while i'm lying still like death
or running in circles; frantically pacing

i'm never still...
and still...

i hear that song; our song
always in my head it's our song
the soundtrack playing always seems so right
even when everything else is so wrong

so i've propped myself up
up against this wall
'cuz i'm too afraid to stand alone
too afraid i'll fall

so now i'm leaning
and trying to focus
trying to pray
while i practice hocus-pocus

concentrating on the feeling of fallinf
falling under the spell
and trying to force out every last drop
from a nearly all dried-up well

and all the while
pushing me along,
it's the same rythm that i move to
it's the rythm of our song

and it's that same song that plays
each night in my head
singing me to sleep
(if i can find a bed)
and then it wakes me every morning
helping lift my body of lead

pulling me in to each new day
and each new day is a revival
a revival of what i keep mistaking
sadly mistaking for survival

echos of battery laughter

sometimes it gets too noisy
to sit by myself in a quiete room
and it gets too late too fast
and so early so soon
maybe i'm not ready to go
i want to stay and play pretend
for this permenant pause, this ringing silence,
this lucid, dream-world reality play
to never really end
please don't push me outside
oiutside into the lightness
it burns my sensitive soul and skin
with the door locked, i can't hide from the brightness
i forgot the rules to this stupid game
and i hate to play alone
why do i have to play along
while you get to stay at home
i talk in my head to calm her down
well, her is me
i have to remind her to see
to focus her eyes and pretend she's fine
remind her to stay inside the lines
but sometimes i can't hear my own voice
over the stark-static sounds
the buzz and the fuzz
the criss-crossed wires
on the tv behind my eyes
and i stare as the air
seems to electrocute him
he shimmies and shakes
as his mind has earthquakes
then his eyes become two magnifying glasses
and then he picks at his shirt for a quick hour
and we yell on deaf ears that he should go shower
we just have to cause a distraction
get some sort of reaction
to anything but that stupid shirt
and then i left
and him soon after
as you're left with the echos
of our battery laughter
bouncing of our smoke-stained walls
and as you run your eyes along them
you see the pitch black curtains
fighting off the sobering dawn
keeping our secrets from sight
even God can't shine in here
only this artificial light
and now you're left with your waning entertainment
the fleeting glee
the feeling of your enticing exitment
sweating out your pores
now you're bored
and you cry it out your black sky eyes
and you can feel the acid eating away at your face
you see it escape through your chemical cough
as you grow more uneasy in the confined space
and now you're teetering on the edge
of forever ever after
and then you danc right off it
to the echos of our battery laughter

your lips are like candy

your lips are like candy
your touch fucks me up
your breath is my air
i just can't get enough
you make my skin itch
it gets hard to speak
my eyes dilate with hunger
and my mind is made weak
i never knew you existed
i never thought you would find me
it's never close enough
i just want you inside me
i want to eat your sugar flesh
i want to drink your honey sweat
i need you to come and fill this space
where i am hollow and made wet
i can be opened like a gate
a gate to all heaven and pleasure
and i will give you a piece of me
that you can keep forever